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Couples and marriage counsellors offer advice on staying Happily Married.
From a May 16, 2008 newspaper article from Press publications in Illinois–featuring couples who have been married more than 50 years—-
Frank and Helena Buchanan renewed their wedding vows for the third time in 60 years- their advice is to “try to understand each other and give things a chance”.
Ralph and Jacqueline Zabawa say that “marriage works best when a couple has a lot in common” and when couples “cope with their problems. They also offer advice that couples need to talk things over and communicate as well as maintain a sense of humor.
Marriage counsellor Camella Broome EdS. LPC/1, LMFT/1 offers the following advice in her blog—
Strengthen the bond between you and your partner by remember “Four A’s”. Sue & Rich of Illinois have practiced the “four A’s” throughout their 23 years of marriage and are still going strong–
1. Appreciation-appreciation means saying “thankyou” or leaving an email or note letting your partner know that you appreciate them for doing something thoughtful and for the little things that we sometimes take for granted. Appreciation is effective when it is specific. Sue & Rich of Illinois say ”It’s important to let your partner know that you appreciate things he or she does like cooking, taking out the garbage, making lunches, mowing the lawn, changing the oil etc…knowing your spouse appreciates you ,strenghtens your bond and love for each other.” Sue says that “knowing I am appreicated makes me want to do even more for my huband, because I know he does not take me for granted.”
2. Apology- saying you are sorry to your partner is effective when you let your partner know that you are aware that you upset him or her and when you reassure your partner that you are taking responsibility for the problem or issue and are making a sincere effort to take corrective action. Sue & Rich say “Saying your sorry when you are wrong or offensive is showing your partner that you take responsiblity for your behavior, and that you care enough about them to correct the problem or issue”.
3. Attention-paying attention to your partner means you find ways to let him/her know that you are a good friend. You listen, give eye contact when your partner is speaking to you. Find ways to let your partner know that you “notice” him or her. Comment on the way you partner looks or ask questions about his or her day etc. Sue & Rich say “we talk to each other everyday on the phone and when we both get home from work. We don’t read the paper or check email while we are talking to each other-we give each other our full attention”.
4. Affection-showing affection to your partner is not just about physical intimacy-its also about small gestures like giving your partner a spontaneous hug or kiss, holding your partners hand, giving a back or foot rub, etc. Find ways to be affectionate toward your partner by offering “random acts of kindness”. Sue & Rich say ”our affection for each other is strong because we respect and appreciate one another”.
